


some things are best left broken.

by alphathorinrock



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Ghost Harry, M/M, ghost fic, reckless eggsy, somewhat happy ending?, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphathorinrock/pseuds/alphathorinrock
Summary: Eggsy's head swivelled to the pillow next to his. A shift of pressure was what woke him, the dip of the bed as someone had lain down beside him, but the bed was empty, aside from his own body. He could've sworn he felt the cold touch of Harry's strong fingers, heard the sweetness of Harry's voice.No, Eggsy thinks, Harry's gone.





	some things are best left broken.

**Author's Note:**

> i think i wrote this like the same day that i saw the movie? or like not that long after. so i wrote it a long time ago, and while i always knew they would never kill harry, a little part of me (vicious little bugger, it is) wanted to write this? because its just so poetic and beautiful hahahahahahahahaha. but yes. it was written before we /knew/ that harry was still alive, so please keep that in mind :)  
> enjoy :) (or don't. that's cool too!)
> 
>  
> 
> for meatball, as always. (most of my fics are her fault anyway :P)

Eggsy woke with a start.

 

It was the middle of an unseasonably cold, wet and blustery night, yet his brow was covered in sweat, sheets damp from where he was tangled in them. Disoriented, he tried to recognise exactly what it was that woke him. The nightmares weren't enough these days. They gripped him as tightly as Valentine gripped the weapon that took Harry away from this world all those months ago.

 

_Harry_.

 

That was it!

 

Eggsy's head swivelled to the pillow next to his. A shift of pressure was what woke him, the dip of the bed as someone had lain down beside him, but the bed was empty, aside from his own body. He could've sworn he felt the cold touch of Harry's strong fingers, heard the sweetness of Harry's voice.

 

_No_ , Eggsy thinks, _Harry's gone_.

 

He shook the last dregs of sleep from his head, getting up and preparing for his day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It happened again, except Eggsy was well and truly awake this time.

 

He was walking down the hall in his house, absentmindedly removing his suit as he went. When he walked past the open door of the study, Harry was seated behind the desk, feet propped up on the wood. Eggsy expected the cold tendrils of fear to grip him, yet the only feeling that came was sorrow. He abandoned his buttons and took a step towards Harry, but just as quickly as Eggsy saw him, he was gone again, that translucent smile parting his lips.

 

Collapsing to the hallway floor, Eggsy curled into a ball and sobbed himself into oblivion. 

 

Roxy found him an indeterminable amount of time later, picked him up without a word, stripped him and showered him and tucked him into bed before crawling in next to him. Slowly, the raw, gaping wounds in his chest knitted back together, leaving behind a mangled scar; the impeccable script of five beautiful letters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merlin was grilling Eggsy about his reckless abandon in the field when next it happened.

 

He was sitting in front of Merlin's desk, sheathing and unsheathing his standard issue Kingsman dagger, Merlin pacing about the room. Eggsy glanced towards the flames of the fire when he spied a familiar pair of shoes. Tracking up the legs, the torso, his eyes came to rest upon the face that had been haunting him for months. Harry was frowning at him, brows furrowed as he pointed towards Merlin. Eggsy was stuck still, frozen to the spot, his head spinning and a roar in his ears. It wasn’t until a hand clasped his shoulder that he realised he wasn’t breathing.

 

'Eggsy, lad, you look as if you've seen a ghost!' Merlin exclaimed, his concern bringing the lilt of his accent forward.

 

The dagger slipped from his fingers, clattering to the floor as Eggsy sucked in a lung full of air. 'Sorry Merlin,' he said, ducking to pick up the blade. 'I'm just tired I guess.'

 

Merlin looked at him, taking stock of his ashen face, his sunken eyes and wilted body. 'Alright,' he said 'I don't want to see your face for a week. You better get some rest, boy, you look like shite.'

 

Merlin all but kicked him out of his office.

 

Eggsy dreamt of JB playing with a little Yorkshire terrier that night, in a sunlit field of daisies and butterflies. He dreamt of a strong, lethal hand gripping his, and a hole in the side of the head of the man that hand belonged to. He woke up more tired than when he fell asleep. Abandoning the idea of getting out of bed, Eggsy burrowed back into the sheets.

 

Several hours or days or years later, he was woken again by a presence in his bed, an arm snaking around his waist. Eggsy snuggled backwards into the ice cold weight behind him, letting sleep carry him off once more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Merlin finally allowed him back into the field, Eggsy had too many near misses for it to be normal.

 

His first mission back saw him sprinting through the streets of Paris, dodging bullets and bodies. He lost himself in the adrenaline, relying on instinct rather than rational thought, when he darted out from an alleyway onto the adjacent street and was nearly taken out by a bus. The only thing that stopped him from going under the behemoth was a sudden up draft of wind, so strong it caused him to stumble back. Granted, he tripped on the curb and landed flat on his arse but he would rather a bruised tailbone than a fractured everything.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry strolling away from him in the other side of the street.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His next mission was to recover the Chinese ambassador from thugs that stole her and were holding her for ransom in a ramshackle factory just outside of Coventry.

 

Eggsy got the ambassador out. Roxy, who was keeping the thugs outside of the factory busy, escorted her to the helicopter. Taking care of the few remaining thugs, Eggsy made the mad dash to the helicopter. He didn't even think of the possibility that there may be snipers. Not until he felt a cold hand push his shoulder downwards, heard the bullet as it whistled past his head, saw the brown oxfords walk away from him. He made it to the helicopter without any physical wounds, but the scars on his chest ached and throbbed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As more and more time went by, Eggsy found moving on got harder and harder. The nights that Roxy dragged him out to clubs passed by in a blur. No one piqued his interest, no one tickled his fancy. His angered expression mustn't have been much of a deterrent, because a fair amount of birds, and a few blokes too, tried their darnedest to get into his pants.

 

None of them were good enough, though.

 

None of them were Harry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One morning, Eggsy could hear the pitter patter of a dog’s feet walking into his room. He reached over the edge of his bed and felt the rasp of a tongue on his fingers. Shuffling into his pillow, he mumbled 'good lad', only to realise JB was curled up, fast asleep, on the other side of his legs.

 

He heard a whistle from down the hall and the trundle of paws on the floorboards.

 

Eggsy pushed up from the mattress, blinking at the tail wagging out the door. 'Bye Mr. Pickle,' he mumbled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Roxy and Merlin would come around for tea. They always ended up in the guest bedroom, far too buzzed to hazard the journey home.

 

Eggsy didn't even know who the house belonged to, didn’t even know why he moved in. Kingsman gave him a lovely place for him and his mum and sister to live in, but it didn't feel right living there. He didn't think it was fair to them, living with a ghost, so Eggsy moved into Harry's and now he's the one with preternatural housemates.

 

It was on one of the nights where Roxy and Merlin were over that Eggsy found out that the house was, by right, entirely his. Harry had no children, his sister and nephew completely estranged, his parents far too old to still be alive, let alone live in his house, so Harry left the house to him. When Merlin handed him the deeds, the scars on Eggsy's chest ripped open, bleeding for all to see. He could feel frozen fingers squishing his skin back together, forcing the wounds closed. Not only did Harry change his life for the better, he gave Eggsy a future he could never give himself.

 

...he hated that it was a future without Harry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Each morning that Eggsy woke, he was forced to wrestle free from the daemon's that captured him in his sleep. It had become a habit of his to greet Harry as he walked down the stairs, JB wriggling in his arms.

 

He never expected Harry to ever return his greeting, so the morning that he did, Eggsy nearly tumbled down the stairs. He was able to save himself, but poor JB went tumbling out of his arms. He could hear the chuckle Harry let out, could see the look that JB got when he was being scratched between the ears.

 

For reasons unknown, Eggsy made two cups of tea that morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the field, Eggsy made more and more mistakes. After a while he stopped noticing them, because each and every time he would feel a cool hand tugging him left to miss oncoming bad guys, he'd feel a cold shoulder barrelling into his chest to knock him out of the way of a blow, he'd feel an icy wall of flesh covering him from the shrapnel or the spray of bullets. Harry kept saving him so Eggsy kept being stupid. It was all ok, except the one time that it wasn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four bullet holes, one punctured lung, a ruptured spleen and two cracked ribs, a concussion and a broken nose.

 

Eggsy woke to the white walls of the infirmary. He heard the gasps of the men seated beside his bed when he finally opened his eyes, one more ethereal than the other. Merlin was seated in the chair next to his bed, Harry perched on the armrest. Merlin's hand seemed to rest somewhere around Harry's hip; it was hard to tell, as his forearm broke straight through Harry's body.

 

Eggsy ignored Merlin's second rant about his reckless abandon in the field. Instead he focussed his attention on the way that Harry floated towards him.

'I can't be there for you forever, my boy. You must try.' He said, before exiting the room by hovering straight through the wall.

Eggsy tuned back in to Merlin's rant, willing the tears in his eyes to cease their existence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recovering from so many injuries was a pain in the arse, quite literally. It took Eggsy nearly four months to be able to do anything without pain. Merlin never would've let him back into the field, but Eggsy threatened to out his and Roxy's "relationship" (more like getting in each others pants wherever and whenever possible) to everyone they knew.

 

Eggsy went back in the field. His missions went off without a hitch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The anniversary of Harry's death rolled around all too soon. Eggsy was mad, he was so mad. Harry wouldn't leave him alone, he could feel him everywhere he went and Eggsy was frustrated. He either wanted Harry with him in the flesh or not at all.

 

He needed to move on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eggsy stood before Harry's grave and wept. He laid down on the cold dirt, digging his fingers into the ground, and bled his soul into the soil beneath him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harry wasn't with him on his next mission. That was probably why Eggsy didn’t anticipate the grenade that detonated a metre from his person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eggsy didn’t wake in the infirmary this time. He woke on a daisy covered hill, flat on his back with the sun streaming down on him. It was really nice here, peaceful, tranquil. A dog licked his cheek as a shadow crossed his face.

 

'I hope you know that you're lying where my dog usually prefers to defecate.'

 

Harry. _Harry!_

 

Eggsy's eyes flew open and he was on his feet in seconds. He gripped a hold of Harry, hauling him into a bone crushing hug. Harry wasn't cold or elusive, he was whole. He was Harry.

 

'You're not supposed to be here, my boy.' Harry said, his voice tarnished with concern.

 

Eggsy chuckled, the sound muffled by Harry's shoulder. 'I missed you too, 'arry.'

 

'No. Eggsy, my dear boy, I all but forced you back into your body! You mustn't stay! Go back home, look after your family, look after Kingsman.'

 

Realisation dawned on him. Harry wasn't alive; Eggsy was dead. He took a step back, stumbling a little. How did he end up here? He remembered the pain; so much of it and everywhere, and the voices; raised and panicked, and all the hands pushing him back, but he also remembered seeing Harry. He had left his battered body behind, left Earth to be with the man he loved.

 

'I'm sorry.' He mumbled.

 

'They're keeping you in a coma, Eggsy. It's not too late to go back.' Harry said, taking the few steps to close the gap between them.

 

Eggsy looked up at Harry. He already knew the answer. Already knew he couldn't keep living when this was the happiest he'd felt in _months_ , and he was _dead_. He could always do what Harry did; check in on his Mum and Dais. It'd break his mother’s heart, but he knew somehow she would forgive him. He was happy after all.

 

Squaring his shoulders, Eggsy took Harry's hand. Mr Pickle yapped excitedly at their feet and Eggsy smiled.

 

As the sun set behind them, Eggsy sidled up close to Harry and whispered five words in his ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'I'd rather be with you.'

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
